Online whisky auctioneers will this month be offering enthusiasts around the world the chance to bid on spaces in future auctions in which to sell the new Ardbeg 21 year old.
The new bottling – set to be released ‘in the future’ – is already highly anticipated by people looking forward to telling everyone on social media about their plans to drink it while simultaneously shipping it to scotchwhiskyonlineauctioneer.flip.
Bobby McKerrching, director of just-hammermybottle.bung, said:
“We expect demand to get these bottles into our auction will be high upon release. We’re extremely fair minded here at just-hammermybottle so we thought it would be a good idea to auction the right to enter your Ardbeg 21 year old into our future sales. The winning bidders will have a special entry code emailed to them which they can use to get an Ardbeg 21 year old into our sale.”
Kev ‘Shades’ O’Bovril, head of self-defeating reserves at tearyhambottle.flog, said while lotting a van-load of bottles he purchased himself at last year’s Feis Ile:
“Space in our auction is limited, if we just let any old person put their Ardbeg 21 year old into the auction then how will we fit 17 pages of Arran Devil’s Punch Bowl III into each sale? This is why we’ve realised that we will also have to start auctioning spaces for the new Ardbeg 21 year old. It’s only fair…”
Percy Gravadlax, head of Ridiculously Long Overdue Releases at Moet Hennessy, said:
“Apparently our approach of shoving thousands of 6-8 year old casks into a massive vatting tank and bottling a few thousand cases each year with a different label hasn’t been as popular as Chip from the marketing department said it totally would be. So we thought we’d try putting some older casks into some bottles and saying things about the whisky on the label. It’s exactly the sort of radical, forward thinking innovation we like to think we’re known for.”
Regarding the price, Percy added:
“It’s obviously going to be really competitively priced, we want this whisky to be accessible to as many people as possible and we really believe in the principles of good will marketing. Oh no wait – it’s actually going to be really expensive.”
Roddy MacSporran, the sort of nauseating pillock who comments on every single thread in Malt Maniacs and who will definitely be buying and selling every single bottle he can lay his tiny, bollock-scented hands on, said:
“It’ll be a rip-off, you won’t catch me buying one of those. Nae chance! But maybe I’d better bid on one of those spaces in the auction just in case, can’t hurt. It’ll probably be quite pricy though, I’ll probably have to sell one of the Ardbeg 21 year olds when it comes out just to afford a space in the auction to sell one. God I love whisky!”