Posts Tagged ‘Craigellachie’

'but this one is a 17 year old..."

‘but this year it’s a 17 year old…”

Following the latest release in their coveted Easter Eggs series of bottlings, the visitor centre at Macallan has begun to resemble some kind of squalid third world refugee camp. Complete with oozing mud, red cross stations and pestilence, whisky fanatics from all over Scotland have been camping out in the hope of acquiring a bottle since last week. Roddy MacSporran, a malnourished, raving lunatic with an incredibly comfortable house just minutes away in Craigellachie said from his cardboard box:

“I’ve been here since last tuesday so hopefully I’ll be able to get a bottle or two. Just as well really because I’m starting to get these strange pustules on my legs and arms and my teeth are coming loose. They chuck us a handful of grain once a day but most of us are reluctant to leave our places in the queue for it. One chap a few places up from me lost consciousness and we all managed to bump up a few places. I wouldn’t mind so much if it wasn’t raining all the time. Would you mind emptying this bucket for me? It’s getting a bit full is all.” 

Macallan’s head of collector bating Quentin Jockstrap said:

“It’s quite sweet how much of an effort they all make, it’s nice to know how much they love our whisky and obviously want to buy these bottles so they can drink them and enjoy them. I’m not looking forward to telling them that the staff have bought them all.” 

Roddy MacSporran added:

“It’s like T in the park but with far fewer drugs and teenagers. Sadly.” 

Dwayne Lightningrod of scotchwhisky-onlineauctions.org said:

“One at a time now, one at a time…”

"Just mix it in with the draft."

“Just mix it in with the draft.”

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