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Posts Tagged ‘Feis Ile’

Argyll and Bute Council have announced they will have to close Bruichladdich Open Day at this year’s Feis Ile due to the extreme likelihood that the public will be exposed to unacceptable levels of Robin Laing. Murdo MacLafferty, head of Folk Music Awareness at the council stated:

“We have a duty of care to the public to ensure that they aren’t exposed to the murder of more than two John Denver songs during any five hour space of time. There’s scientific proof that any more than this can incite violence, depression, anxiety and – worst of all – the belief that it is somehow acceptable. Which can in extreme cases lead to copycat song murders.”

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Apparently gets paid.

Self-styled malt minstrel and squasher of syllables Robin Laing said:

“It’s a disgrace. I’m a unique musical artist in that I write my material faster than I perform it. It took me nearly three whole minutes to ‘write’ my latest song. It’s called ‘Buckets Of Bruichladdich’ and it goes like this… ‘Buckets of Bruichladdich, buckets of tears, got only Bruichladdich going into your ears… WAIT COME BACK I HAVEN’T FINISHED YET!” 

Former music fan Ronnie MacSpillin said:

“I used to enjoy John Denver, Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash and Janis Joplin. But then I found myself trapped in a whisky festival where Robin Laing was playing. Now I can only listen to instrumentals.” 

Another danger hotspot for music lovers at this year’s Feis Ile is Lagavulin where there is a very real chance of accidentally having to watch Prince Neil & The Hipsters. You may be exposed to Neil Ridley jumping off a drum five times in a row while Nick Morgan rocks out like only a genial historian can.

Mr MacLafferty from the council added:

“If Tim Hain shows up then Islay will have to be evacuated – our stockpiles of earmuffs have been severely depleted since The Copper Dogs inflicted ukuleles on people during the Spirit Of Speyside festival.” 

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It’s that time of year again when the Isle of Islay is temporarily driven several inches deeper into the Atlantic Ocean by the weight of thousands of whisky nerds arriving from all over the world to celebrate the beautiful drink of whisky by queuing outside their favourite distilleries. With this year’s festival promising to be one of the silliest so far Whiskysponge has put together a selection of this year’s highlights .

1: The Second Annual Jimbob Paterson Retirement Tasting

Set to be an annual highlight of the Feis Ile, Jimbob Paterson has commendably retired for a second year running. This year’s retirement tasting pulled out all the stops with Jimbob being lowered into warehouse 12 on a crane while dressed as Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid and shooting live ammunition over the heads of the adoring 500 strong crowd of his devout followers beneath. Jimbob then proceeded to black up in the guise of his favourite folk artist Kanye West and was joined by Robin Laing for a stirring rendition of the song ‘The Chainsmokers’ where Robin had demonstrated his usual mastery of song craft by replacing the word ‘smokers’ with ‘distillers’. Jimbob then launched into a 3 hour tirade against marketing before forcing everyone to drink half a litre of Virgin Oak matured Octomore and making the entire audience purchase a case of the Black Art valinch at gunpoint. After this he promptly stripped down to a pair of speedos that said ‘Dolphin Hunter’ before plunging head first into Lochindaal before the ambulance arrived to attend to the wounded and the vomiting.

Bruichladdich’s head of clearing up after Jimbob, Simon Coughsyrup, described the event as:

“…at least more pleasurable than drinking that XX Barolo thing from a few years back.” 

It was a toss up between that or just going with Baloo The Bear again.

It was a toss up between that or just going with Baloo The Bear again.

2: The Marcel ‘Markymark’ Van Gillette & Hans ‘Chewy’ Cockringa Book Thing At Laphroaig

Laphroaig have successfully continued their year long apology for Select under the flimsy guise of a ‘bicentenary’ by allowing comedy Dutchmen Marcel ‘Markymark’ Van Gillete and Hans ‘Chewy’ Cockringa to rewrite their last book without all the mistakes and subliminal Dutch pornography. Over the course of several ticketed events at the distillery throughout the Festival they have revealed some of the many pictures of sexy tour guides taken secretly by Marcel on his selfie stick that failed to make the book. Along with Hans detailed descriptions of their research which has uncovered Bessie Williamson’s secret designs for a tropical fruit powered Jetpack and John Campbell’s audition tape for the role of Begbie in Trainspotting. Lucky attendees to these presentations had the opportunity to see pictures of Marcel’s pre-Boer War collection of Laphroaig and to have their teeth extracted without anaesthetic.

Hans and Marcel's book will be available to order from Pornhub and the 'Friends Shop' in November.

Hans and Marcel’s book will be available to order from Pornhub and the ‘Friends Shop’ in November.

3: The Annual Lagavulin Queue/Fight

This year’s festival release from Lagavulin was a 1991 24 year old also known as the ‘No Brainer’ edition. The queue was one of the most impressive yet and attracted Queue Watchers from as far afield as Bahrain, Quatar and Dunstable. Neddy Loveblow from The Whisky Lounge – also an avid queue watcher – described the event in detail:

“It’s a remarkable queue, one of the best I’ve seen in terms of length, girth and monotony. The way the Germans in particular bustled with each other in deep, simmering frustration was both arousing and captivating. I’ve made extensive notes in my queue diary if you’d like to read them in more detail in my mobile command centre later on…?”

The queue was live blogged by Germany Ebay watcher and professional righteousness merchant Oliver Kermit who managed a commendable level of disgust at the number of people selling the bottles. Noting thusly:

“It’s a complete disgrace, all these people buying and selling these bottles. It’s as if they actually WANT to make some money. I personally have never stooped so low as to actually buy a bottle of whisky!” 

The annual Lagavulin investment pilgrimage 2015.

The annual Lagavulin investment pilgrimage 2015.

Criticised for selling delicious old Lagavulin too cheaply Dr Nick Morgan, Diageo’s chief human shield said:

“You people are all literally fucking impossible. Go fuck yourselves! Just fuck the fuck off and leave me the fuck alone! Next year it’ll be a bottle of NAS spirit caramel with a smear of hedgehog shit for a label!” 

Dr Nick

Dr Nick

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With the whisky industry grappling with the fast paced and ever evolving modern world in an increasingly ungainly and haphazard fashion – not unlike a drunken homeless man wrestling with a large angry pig – there are some fascinating and unusually difficult to believe developments afoot in 2015.

It's a visual metaphor.

It’s a visual metaphor.

January

Loch Lomond distillery releases long awaited Croftengea ‘Isotope’. A special radiation-themed NAS edition produced using barley grown at Sellafield. Distillery manager Edwin Custard said through one of his seven mouths “It’s a remarkable product and we’re all very proud. Kevin the distillery cat can leap directly through walls now. And it’s quite easy to find in the dark.”

First dedicated Ardbeg release of 2015 ‘Ardbrogue’ hits shelves in the Distillery’s bicentennial year. Ardbrogue comes in a dedicated shoebox presentation case with bespoke leather fixtures, a special Ardbeg-branded manure removal spike and brown glass nosing shoe. The release comes with the typically nauseating tagline: “Come take a smoky tip-toe through the peat beds with us in our historic year”. The whisky comes from the same random cask, age non-specific vat that they used to make Ardbog, Ardbeg Day, Kildalton, Rollercoaster, Auriverdes and Corryvreckan. Everyone complains about it while simultaneously desperately seeking a full case like Indiana Jones looking for the antidote in the opening scene from The Temple Of Doom.

Give me the ARDBEG!

Give me the ARDBEG!

February

Diageo releases a special app that allows angry single malt nerds to wake Nick Morgan up in the middle of the night with loud, self-righteous questions about caramel and why Haig Club isn’t a 1966 Glenlochy instead of a grain.

Whisky Magazine accidentally prints an article criticising Talisker Storm. The following issue is a 137 page apology.

Dangerous increase in number of novelty releases aimed at cashing in on Valentine’s Day is matched by annual rise in number of jokes on Malt Maniacs’ forum about ‘Valentin’s Day’.

March

Jeanette Krankie becomes new face of Auchentoshan leading to the sharpest drop in sales since Ian McGollum once drunkenly admitted to dipping his testicles into every 32nd cask to leave the filling store.

Noel Harrison and Joel Snedley launch new TV series on Sky Hipster. ‘New Age Statement’ follows Noel and Joel on their escapades as they travel the length and breadth of Shoreditch drinking traditional Diageo products and recounting tales of their days working as stunt doubles on the latter-day series of The Chuckle Brothers. Don’t miss episode three where Noel is devastated after he accidentally leaves home without his polkadot riding cravat and Joel, realising his best chum doesn’t possess the correct dress code, has to try and get them both into the new trendy nightclub – Twilight Moussakka – by sheer ingenuity. Eventually the doorman agrees to let them in if Joel will stop giving away free copies of their books to passers by. Directed by Darius from Pop Idol. Featuring music composed by Noel on his 1968 Mk IV Mellotron with additional whistling by Joel.

To me, to you. Noel and Joel back in their hey day.

To me, to you. Noel and Joel back in their hey day.

April

Jasper Clementine is exposed for accepting bribes from private collectors to publish low scores for old bottlings on whiskybling.com. Jaspergate carries on for several months involving seven lawsuits, thirty seven ticketed tastings and the publication of at least three tell-all biographies.

Owing to an increasing glut of single grain whiskies and diminishing amount of single malts on the market, the Malt Manaics change their name to the Cereal Killers.

Jude Law watches that advert for Johnnie Walker Blue Label that featured him gibbering on a yacht and dancing like a pillock and publicly commits suicide as a result.

It was the only honourable thing to do.

It was the only honourable thing to do.

May

Ardbeg and Laphroaig celebrate their Bicentenaries at the 2015 Feis Queue on Islay. Laphroaig unveil a brand new visitor experience where visitors to the distillery can be locked in an active kiln without breathing apparatus and not be allowed out unit they have eaten a large bowl of the drying malt and three whole bricks of peat. Anyone that makes it out without pleading and banging on the kiln door like a spluttering ball of cancer will be given the opportunity to buy a bottle of the special festival edition Laphroaig Carcinogen. Meanwhile Professor Jill Bumsden appears on the Graham Norton chat show and unveils jokes that many in the media describe as ‘older and more offensive than Prince Philip’.

Queue watchers beginning to appear at Islay Festival.

The new queuing system at Lagavulin in operation.

The new queuing system at Lagavulin in operation.

June

Glenlivet distillery begins exponential expansion of production which is matched by exponential decline in visitor centre hospitality. The skill of making whisky that tastes like depressed grass is honed to a fine art.

Ailing micro-distillery Abhainn Dearg on the Isle Of Lewis attempts to boost its fortunes with the launch of officially branded selfie-sticks.

Jim Sweep is hospitalised after attempting to operate an espresso machine while under the influence of several gallons of  Pina Colada.

July

M$rcin Mi$$er, head of Number One Drinks sells his last cask of Karuizawa and reveals from a massive cage full of money on board his all powerful sky blimp that there never was such a whisky as Karuizawa and all the casks he’s been selling for gazillions over the past decade have been cask strength Bovril he’s been re-distilling in his shed in Norfolk.

‘Tropicana’, an epic four hour long biopic of Bessie Williamson is released in cinemas world wide. Tropicana is directed by Peter Jackson with an estimated budget of $250 million and featuring an incredible motion capture performance from Andy Serkis in the lead role of Bessie. Described by Peter Bradshaw in the Guardian as “…a completely unashamed orgie of direct fired distilling, deep cut peat burning on explicitly shot traditional floor maltings with glaringly naked wooden washbacks slowly fermenting throughout. I exited the cinema feeling as though I had been swathed in Umbongo and Lilt by a hebridean chemical wizard.” The Daily Mail described the summer blockbuster as “…better than that communist, pinko filth The Angels Share but not as good as Taken 3.” Tropicana also stars Hayley Joel Osment as a young John Campbell and Samuel L Jackson as Marcel Van Gills.

That is a TASTY Laphroaig!

That is a TASTY Laphroaig!

August

To celebrate over 600 videos and reviews posted online, a special back to back screening of all Ralfy’s vlogs is arranged by Scottish Screen. A plaque is erected three weeks later to commemorate those who died during the event.

Jan Birch, Speyburn’s inter-galactic brand soothsayer and gatekeeper of the world renowned Drumnadrochit Gay Highland Resort, is finally promoted to distillery manager. He immediately marshals his workforce and begins an aggressive military campaign against all other distilleries in the Speyside area. Within a fortnight Glen Grant, Glenrothes, Macallan and Strathisla have all fallen, been renamed Speyburn and have quadrupled their production capacity. The Spey Hordes are eventually driven back by the Allied Distillers who unite to defeat Jan Birch’s unquenchable thirst for Speyrian Supremacy. He receives a written disciplinary from Inver House Distillers the following week.

September

Dominique Miraclegrow accidentally becomes leader of UKIP.

All Scottish ‘craft distilleries’ decide that their production processes are so identical that they can safely have a nice game of musical distilleries.

Whyte & MacKay is finally sold to Monsanto provided that Dalmore not be included in the sale on ethical grounds.

October

All the bottlings of Hanyu and Karuizawa bottled in those comedy neckless decanters that people were paying over £1000 a bottle for throughout the past two years are starting to evaporate at an alarming rate.

BIlly Walker confirms he fucking hates Benriach as the latest batch of single casks once again reveals perfectly delicious mature single malts that have been mercilessly butchered to death in some fetid and pointless wine casks like unwanted, mewing kittens tossed into a lake in a stone laden cloth sack. This latest batch of once beautiful whiskies features Shiraz, Tobasco, Irn Bru, Ice Wine, Chardonnay, Vodka and Smoked Twiglet finishes.

November

Dark Molesty performs an eighteen hour live version of Whiskyshaft direct from his bedroom featuring interviews with fictional whisky characters in his head and a thirty seven minute segment of him screaming furiously at an old snow globe demanding it answer his questions about the merits of wheat in the Buffalo Trace mashbill. The episode features at least five instances of Dark rendering himself accidentally unconscious, one of hour of live weaving and a particularly sinister segment where Dark simply eats his way through forty eight old Ardbeg Committee newsletters while providing live tasting notes. The March 2004 issue scores 94/100. The programme is listened to by almost nine people.

Diageo announces the 2015 Special Releases and their accompanying price tags:

Lagavulin 12 year old : £90

Caol Ila Bawsack Unpeated NAS : £85

Brora 37 year old : £1950

Port Ellen 35 year old 15th Release : £2300

Mannochmore 22 year old rejuvenated european oak hogsheads : £350

Talisker Hurricane NAS 63.8% : £675

Glenkinchie 28 year old Cognac double matured : £480

Singleton Of Dufftown 12 year old finished in the empty casks of 1960 Malt Mill that were accidentally drowned in a batch of Johnnie Walker Premier five years ago : £13,000.

December

Jim Murray announces his number one whisky in the world for 2016 as a direct tie between a 1965 single cask Laphroaig and a 3 year old Luxembourgian single maize whisky matured in a 12 litre heavily charred Retsina cask in a lockup on the outskirts of Junglinster.

Oliver Kermit takes an annual trip to the UK and publishes a 37,000 word blog post about everything that is wrong with British food before completely fucking loosing it and going on a rampage with a crossbow in a Luton branch of Marks & Spencer wearing nothing but a hastily constructed Bratwurst sporran.

He didn't even wait for them to cool down before putting them on!

He didn’t even wait for them to cool down before putting them on!

That’s it for 2015!

Whiskysponge hopes that you all enjoy yourselves over the New Year and don’t forget to make audible your disdain for any of that ‘drink responsibly’ shit. Please also make sure you remember that whisky is a pleasant and rightly passion inspiring drink but in no way should you fall into the trap of believing this somehow gives you the right to spout ill conceived, opinion inseminated drivel on facebook or twitter about it.

If in doubt just remember that ultimately your existence and the existence of all those you have ever known or loved – all humans that will ever exist and all that they achieve – is destined to slowly fragment into an unimaginably thin scraping of photons, positrons, neutrinos and electrons across the vast universal toast of eternity.

So stop getting all worked up about NAS and just enjoy a cuddle or a log fire.

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Kelvingrove Park in Glasgow. All the hot people are just out of shot.

Kelvingrove Park in Glasgow. All the hot people are just out of shot.

It’s that time of year when attractive people in Scotland come out of hiding and men decide that it’s very important to wear North Face shorts, build a lacklustre fire outdoors and dangerously undercook some meat before it rains again. It is also the season of whisky festivals all over the world. As a result of this Whiskysponge journalists have worked intermittently at divergent locations on the clock face to bring you this bullet point guide to whisky festivals.
Feel the sweat...sniff it...TASTE IT!

Feel the sweat…sniff it…TASTE IT!

The Whisykysponge Guide To Whisky Festivals
1: Whisky Festivals are descended from the SciFi themed nerd herdings of the 1970s. They first appeared in the early 2000s as a means for agoraphobic beardy men to conquer their fear of women and break out their collection of ironic t-shirts.
2: Early prototype whisky festivals carried out in Scottish places such as Glasgow were deeply harrowing. The mass graves and ‘chip bins’ of these sites can still be visited today so that future generations of whisky enthusiasts may learn from the mistakes of their forefathers. Some areas of early whisky festivity still carry a half-life of 100+ years and scientists remain unsure as to when we will be able to go in and recover the thousands of ‘premium dram tokens’ that nobody bothered to use. It is also rumoured that a man named Angus McThump has been trapped in a port-a-loo somewhere near George Square since Whisky Live 2005.
3: Modern whisky festivals are prevalent across the globe, here are some of the most popular:
.The Whisky Lounge puts on several throughout the year with shows in Antarctica, Svalbard and Scunthorpe planned for 2015.  
.Limburg in Germany is themed around the enjoyment of rare and modern whiskies in a sauna-like environment where large European men stagger around on the brink of cardiac arrest under the weight of enormous rucksacks overflowing with sample bottles.
.There is The Whisky Sexchange show in London in October, Berlinda Binge’s sex,whisky and hipster themed festival is always a popular draw, with the infamous tagline ‘Putting The ‘Cock’ In Cocktails’. 
Number 3 on the menu is known as 'The Flaming Bawbag'

Number 3 on the menu is known as ‘The Flaming Bawbag’

.The Lindores Whisky Society hosts a micro festival in Oostende in Belgium once a year where anyone caught with a bottle of whisky distilled after 1973 is lined up against the back wall of Hotel Giro and shot with a blunderbuss full of old spring caps.
They have to open about 3 cases of these each time they want to reload.

They have to open about 3 cases of these each time they want to reload.

.Then of course there are the Whisky Live festivals which vary from city to city around the globe, they range in quality from pretty good to eye-blisteringly shit.
.Glasgow has it’s own whisky festival nowadays, functionally called the ‘Glasgow Whisky Festival’. It is very much in the same vein as the original Whisky Live shows, except in a smaller more cramped venue so it’s easier to dispose of the bodies afterwards.
.The Islay Festival Of Malt And Queues, or ‘Feis Queue’ in Gaelic, is held from the last week of May into June. It is a popular festival for whisky enthusiasts and queue watchers alike, featuring the kind of shameless, sprawling, corporate cash-in bottlings that have helped systematically stamp out the traditional music side of the festival in recent years.
4: Etiquette at whisky festivals is intricate and mythical. Anyone found guilty of the following can, by law, be subjected to a Loch Dhu enema:
.Farting at tastings
.Agreeing with Jim Murray
.Turning up with a fuck off sack of sample bottles
.Hanging around in the vain hope of being offered something from ‘under the table’
.Eating Munster cheese
.Secreting miniatures in the lining of your massive trousers
.Puking on the floor
.Crying like a bitch
.Demanding that Eddie Ludlow do press ups
.Harping on about how you used to buy Black Bowmore for £70 a bottle in the 90s
.Not having a beard
.Not being / being a hipster (location dependent rule)
.Telling everyone about your interesting recipes for Draff
.Being Scottish
.Not being Scottish
.Showing everyone photos of the amazing bottles you didn’t bother to bring along
5: Whisky Festivals can be dangerous, always remember to bring a rucksack with enough water for 4 days. 16 hotdogs. A small bar of nauseatingly posh chocolate made with sea salt or Moroccan chili flakes or Condor tears. A large notepad which you tire of recording tasting notes in after 15 minutes. 37 pens. A ball of strong elastic bands, enough to suspend 4 bottles of Ardbeg Mor from a Chinook Helicopter. A small stack of kindling and tinder box. 3 family size packs of Kleenex Tissues to mop the sweat from your brow throughout the course of the festival. 1 extra strong condom, in case you drink enough whisky that you feel like experimenting. 
6: Food is now served at most festivals after the dark days of Glasgow 2005 and ‘Chundergate’. 
7: You will meet an intriguing variety of people at whisky festivals from many walks of life who will delight in discussing whisky with you. Do not let this fact delude you into thinking that your opinions are of value at other times and locations out with the festival boundaries. 
8: If you encounter Jasper Clementine of Whisybling.com at a festival remember that other people want to have their photo taken with him as well so please be quick and try not to gush all over his feet like a slavering thirteen year old girl attempting to mate with Harry Styles from One Direction.
(sub point) Jasper Clementine’s movements throughout Europe in summer can be accurately tracked by photos of him on the Malt Maniac’s facebbook page sporting a crow-barred on smile and a thousand yard stare next to some over-excited, weeping middle aged man clutching a bottle of Speyburn.
Just keep it to yourself!

Just keep it to yourself ok!

9: You are statistically unlikely to die a horrific and agonizing death at a whisky festival. It is however recommended that you draw up a will before attending. 
10: Above all else Whisky Festivals are a time of joy, sharing, passion, knowledge, fun, friendship and great memories. 
11: You have to enjoy whisky for point number 10 to apply. If you do not they are a simmering circle of blether-tinged, sweat inducing hell that will bring you as much joy as an epileptic dragon riding a nest of hornets up your left nostril. 

 

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Laphroaig's offering for this year's Feis Ile.

Laphroaig’s offering for this year’s Feis Ile.

With the recent release of Laphroaig Select, Laphroaig have unveiled the first moves in their plans to reduce their entire range to one massive bottling. Speaking from one of her own dreams, Master Cask Chucker Roberta Hickie said:

“We’re fucking sick of this shit! Everyone constantly wanting ‘quality’ and ‘diversity’ or ‘age statements’ or bottlings that ‘taste like Laphroaig’. From now on we’re taking every fucking barrel that reaches 3 years of age, that’s every quarter cask, every PX puncheon, every first fill barrel, every hoggie, every fucking wooden suitcase full of whisky, chucking it into a massive virgin oak vat and bottling the whole fucking lot as Laphroaig Select. If you don’t like it you can just fucking drink Buckfast, or Ledaig or Water or Zinfandel or whatever you youngsters are quaffing these days.” 

The news has followed a slow build up over the past two decades of portly European men writing to Laphroaig to complain about the loss of tropical fruit character and the gaping void in their marriages that were once filled with love, compassion, tenderness and a sense of joy at the sheer possibilities offered by life but now play host only to dusty, heart-aching hostility and isolation. That and the inevitable questions about whether Bessie Williamson was ‘still single’.

He likes to administer Batch 1 Cask Strength before operating. Just not to the patient.

He likes to administer Batch 1 Cask Strength before operating. Just not to the patient.

Marky Mark ‘Whalberg’ Van Gillette, professional Laphroaig collector and part time dentist / torture fanatic from the Dutch bit of Germany said over the screams of a small man whose molar he was attempting to remove with a dust buster:

“You know I am in two minds about this new bottling. On the one hand it tastes like lightly peated bum water, which is a shame. On the other it means my collection is now complete and I can start opening all those really old cases of Laphroaig from the late 19th century.” 

Thankfully Giuseppe Linguini, the famed Italian used car salesman and whisky collector, and our regular expert reviewer here on Whiskysponge was on hand today to review the latest offering from Laphroaig for us.

 

'Select' Laphroaig, clever marketing time for brain persons at distillery.

‘Select’ Laphroaig, clever marketing time for brain persons at distillery.

Laphroaig Select. 2014 Release. 40%.  

Colours: Nice light colours, like looking into the face eye of vanilla ghost before it pushes you into honey jar.

Noses: First is massive watering can of cigarette water to clean ashtray put over your head, quantity enough that Giuseppe thinks to grow mild peat tree from ears with Marlboro Lights for leaves. Sniffings now of mild tool shed, shredded flour, deep fried water and secret under-table touchings of vanilla prostitute. Like to receive hand pleasure from marketing department as apology for this bottling.

Tastings: Vanilla hammer in face, till all teeth are tasting of broken vanilla, but is only small hammer as only 40% of whisky is strength. Now shoreline of seaweed and breadcrumbs, interesting make happenings of small hospital like tent in warzone. Then huge notes of mildness. Is like to drink big smoothie of puttanesca from supermarket, like time 3rd wife is leaving and force Giuseppe to make food for himself for whole half month. Is become hyper-difficult. Try to make bread with toilet paper.

Finishings: Super big shortness. Like best kind of miniskirt for sexy lady.

Thinkings: Is not the favourite Laphroaig of Giuseppe. He is preferring the 1893 special import for Tutti & Frutti by Fakey McRefill. Giuseppe is having many cases of this one from collection of grandfather who is buying all when he is working special long time in Scotchland as special man dancer.

Start out of 100 : 75 (Is like to play hide salami with super fun girl in nightclub who has much glitter and then to get home glitter is shining off from all over you and second wife is hitting you with even bigger salami and not in fun way and all you are thinking is fuck you glitter!)

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