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Posts Tagged ‘World Whisky Of The Year’

jm20151

Doctors are keen to speak to Mr Murray about his ‘eye thing’.

Whisky nerds across the entirety of social media are gearing up for the annual Jim Murray hate festival which is traditionally heralded each year by the unveiling of his ‘Whisky Of The Year’ award.

Glaswegian Whisky collector Roddy MacSporran said:

“I fuckin love this time of year. I been working on my Facebook statuses all year in anticipation – I’ve got like seven pure zingers lined up between now and December.” 

Bloggers, commentators and other assorted people of the time-rich and anger-infused type are currently in a race to be the first to declare that they won’t be giving Murray the ‘oxygen of publicity’. Lee Connorseur – a neat spirits enthusiast from Gateshead – said:

“Ahm well exited me! Ahm a bit disappointed that he’s actually chosen a good whiskey though – ah was really hopin for a score of like 98/100 for some new world windscreen washer shite! Can you imagine the total flaying we could have given him for that?! If you ask me, things were better in the old days when he were still gettin free handbags from LVMH like!” 

ewok3

Mr Murray, seen here in evening wear, still with the eye thing…

Jim Murray – an Ewok and part-time Whisky opinion excreter – said while suckling his latest brood of Ewok hatchlings from his multitude of Ewok sow-udders in his Whisky Laboratory / Aboreal Hut on the Forest Moon Of Endor:

“Things are really looking up this year, with any luck the distilleries and shops will take enough stock so that for the 2018 edition we can change the amount of copies sold from ‘more than half a million’ to ‘nearly eleven twelfths of just under three quarters of a million’. Bonzer!” 

eye_of_sauron

A close-up of the ‘eye thing’.

Tessa MacPaddywack, a tour guide at Glen Grant distillery, said:

“It’s a bummer that he’s given the Glen Grant 18 an award. It means we’ll have to get some of his books in again! We’ve still got some of the first editions in stock. Sometimes we sneak them into customer’s bags when they’re not looking. Or we fold up the pages and use them to wedge under the legs of uneven tables. We tried burning them once but for some reason they just give off clouds of noxious sulphur and open an infernal gateway to the Nethersphere. It’s a right nuisance I can tell you!” 

 

 

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